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Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Letting Go of a Dream

I caught the eventing bug when my Pony Club did some schooling days at a local cross country course. 

To be honest it scared the crap out of me.  But something about it stuck.

Blue and I, back in the day:

My sweet TB gelding, Blue, began having soundness issues after I graduated high school and it was a lot for a teenager to manage (financially and emotionally!).  He was eventually diagnosed with navicular and although with a new farrier and some Recovery EQ he was eventually sound for the remaining 5 years of his life...I never jumped him again.

When I graduated college and began the search for a new horse.  I think I unintentionally looked for the opposite of Blue.  Blue was athletic and although grumpy on the ground, he was a kind and careful gentleman with a rider onboard.  Blue was a more fine-boned TB and had a huge shark fin wither.  Enter Apollo.  He looked so sturdy and strong.  He had a bit of a stubborn/wild streak after being left ungelded and unbroke at age 8.  I was certain that this giant horse was my soulmate from the moment I set eyes on him.  I couldn't wait to do all the things I hadn't been able to do with Blue for so long...especially eventing!

And then life happened.  I had to put Blue down and took time off riding because I was a devastated wreck.  I hurt my back quite badly in car accident.  I had some terrible riding instructors that scared me off.  I had no money.  And I some point I stopped believing that I could do it.

Now after three months of soundness issues I have decided that Apollo and I will not be eventing this year.  My heart tells me that he just isn't up to it.  I will still be investigating the root of his lameness issues but I will be taking showing off the table.  If he makes some kind of miraculous recovery I will happily re-evaluate.

I have decided to move Apollo and Mystic back to my old barn (where Henry lives).  There isn't a lesson horse consistently available for me to borrow for my Wednesday lesson slot so there isn't much point to stay at the eventing barn.  I also think it will be hard on me around show season to see everyone else heading out to shows.  I have been there before with Blue and I don't really want to be there again.

Today at work I:
- Booked a hauler for February 1st
- Cancelled the vacation time I had booked for shows
- Gave notice at my barn
- Pouted excessively 

So back to hermit riding status at my old barn.  I'm still proud of myself for giving it a try and for taking lessons again.  I haven't decided yet whether I will continue to take lessons at the dressage barn or not.



I'm trying to see some of the positives in this crappy changes of events. So here goes:

1) My husband and I are talking about doing a trip in early April to somewhere tropical (now that I have vacation time and more funds available)

2) I have two young horses that I am REALLY excited about starting in 2016.  Like caps locks excited.  They have a great "big brother" who will pony them around and teach them a lot about being a good citizen.

3) I'm going to focus my energy on paying off debt and saving money.  My husband and I hope to buy a house by early 2016.  I tell myself that it will be an acreage but it will likely be in the city.  But you never know... :)

4) I'm also going to start saving for a trailer.  Which I'm supposed to be doing now but I'm not.  

5) Five horses that I know in real life (and a few more online) have passed away in the last three months.  Although Apollo is not 100% I truly consider every day with him a gift.  

13 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that you had to postpone your dream this year. I think that you made some very rational and good decisions but ones that are hard on your heart. You will find benefit in this down the road I believe but it's hard to see it now. I too planned on showing this year after a few years off. I will see what this year holds. My totally unsolicited advice is to continue with the dressage lessons. you will gain benefits for when you start the young ones (and details please on them).

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    1. Thank you for your kind words :) I am planning to continue on with my dressage lessons, I think it will be good to have some riding instruction so I can keep working on myself.

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  2. I'm sorry to hear about letting go of eventing for now....but that doesn't mean that you can't pick it up sometime in the future! You have 2 young, capable horses that can take you wherever you want to go, so don't give up!

    I would whole-heartedly recommend that you continue with lessons, either at the dressage barn or somewhere else. Lessons will keep you motivated and on a consistent riding schedule. And your young horses will benefit from your increased knowledge too! :)

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    1. I kind of wish I could fast forward to 2016 haha! I am very excited about my youngsters :)

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  3. When one door closes, another opens. I am really, really sorry things aren't working out the way that you had hoped but I admire you for trying to stay positive!

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    1. Thank you Tracy :) I try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, so clearly I am being lead in a direction to learn about something else right now!

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  4. i'm really sorry things aren't working out the way you had hoped for Apollo - tho it's certainly not for lack of trying!! good luck moving the horses back - and i'm super excited to see where things go with your babies too!!!! eventing will still be there when the circumstances are more favorable :)

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    1. I hope that my Mystic girl will catch the same eventing bug that I did years back, time will tell :)

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  5. Sometimes things don't work out the way we planned but that's life. I think you will have fun starting your young horses and that takes a lot of time and patience. It's nice they have a big brother to help show them the ropes. You're young and have lots of riding years ahead of you to do whatever you want to do. Hang in there and be patient things will go your way in the future with a positive outlook. And some more unsolicited advice, I'd still continue to take lessons to stay motivated and maybe learn what can be helpful to you with training your young horses. Keep smiling!

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    1. I have decided to keep going with the lessons :) I know that riding three horses will be quite overwhelming so I'm trying to enjoy this quieter time!

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  6. Too bad! I hope Apollo is feeling better soon. So exciting you have baby horses to look forward to, and buying a home is very exciting! I've always wanted to event too and life seems to get in the way every time, so I feel your pain!

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    1. I hope so too, even if he doesn't do anything! I don't like seeing him uncomfortable :( One day you and I will event it up big time :)

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  7. The goalposts of life are continually shifting * moving, good on you stepping up to the plate and making the hard decisions. Being a grown up sucks when finances & time becomes tight.
    Fab positives worthy of hanging onto, especially that last one.
    *HUGS*

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