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Saturday, 2 January 2016

Sparks

"Don't surrender all your joy for an idea you used to have about yourself that isn't true anymore" - Cheryl Strayed


In the spirit of a new year, I have already made some big changes.



I chopped off my hair.



I had a hair appointment booked on December 23rd for a trim and highlights.  I took the day off work and also booked a manicure with a friend before my appointment.  My hair was super long and pretty close to the natural color.  I got a lot of compliments on my hair.  It felt like my trademark and my armor.

When I was trying to blow dry my hair on the 23rd, my brain was like:
"Blah. I am sick of this long hair. Cut it off."

And then I started feeling panicked.

Weird sad voice responds to brain: "Oh no, not my beautiful long hair.  It's such a huge part of my identity."  

Brain: "It's just fucking hair."

Weird sad voice : *shrug*

And so I chopped it.  And I feel a lot better.







I also have been feeling a lot braver about my riding in the last week or so.  I think all of Coach D's encouragement is finally sinking in.


There is this part of me that is really afraid to ride for a long time.  I want to have a small win and then I want the ride to be over (so I can't screw anything up...therefore ruining my small win).  I don't really understand where this mentality came from.  But working through training/fear issues on my own for the last four years... there is definitely an element of self-preservation.  I was letting my fears make my world smaller.


I've also been pretty unwilling to add new things into my riding routine with Apollo.  Or if I did it would only be one new element (like ground poles).  Because drilling at the same simple exercises repeatedly is really fun for horses...right?!


I had two breakthroughs in these areas recently:

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Breakthrough One - In my December 30th lesson with D she had to leave right at 7.  My lesson was over but she told me that I could keep riding if I wanted to (because we only did a 30 minute lesson).  I had a really great lesson.

But for the first time my brain wasn't like "Nooooo you had a great lesson, exit stable immediately before you screw anything up!".

Instead I decided to practice a few of our exercises and took my lesson horse for nice big trot in both directions for a quite a while.

Beautiful Betty! 




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Breakthrough Two - I forgot my breeches when I went to see Apollo and Henry on January 1st.  But I wanted to start the year off with a ride on my big pony.  So I rode in my bareback pad (no jeans will ever ride in the verhan).

I had already set up a ground pole fan, pylons, a cross rail and a tarp.  Some of which I had already used with Henry and left out.  I thought maybe Apollo and I could use the fan.  But instead we used all of it.  And I had so much fun! 

We even jumped the cross rail.  At a canter.  In the bareback pad.

Huzzah.








36 comments:

  1. So very awesome! Brains are weird. Also love the hair!

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    1. My brain is so weird! Thanks, I love the hair too - still getting used to it a bit :)

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  2. The hair looks fab, Yay on doc overnight new love for time in the saddle ☺

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    1. Thanks! I love my new saddle - a lot! :)

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  3. The hair looks fabulous. I too get that idea that when it's going well- my brain shouts GET OFF BEFORE YOU SCREW UP. I will use you as an example to keep going. :)

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    1. Thank you! It makes me feel better that you feel like that sometimes too. I was always kind of embarrassed to share that I felt that way :)

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  4. Love the hair! Maybe all that extra length was holding back your riding confidence. ;)

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    1. Thanks! Must have been the hair holding me back :P

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  5. Congrats on breakthroughs! bareback jumping - so awesome!

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    1. Thank you! It was a pretty crazy departure from my regular routine, in a good way :)

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  6. Your hair looks awesome! I almost always feel this weird sense of liberation when I cut a bunch of hair off, maybe you were feeling the effects during your rides! :)

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    1. Thanks, I'm loving it! I must have been feeling the effects of my new 'do :)

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  7. You rock star! Challenging yourself is good, that's how progress happens! I can't believe how much I used to ride in jeans in the 90s...no more.

    Seriously looking fwd to you kicking a** in 2016!! Big hugs

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    1. :D! I ride in jeans (and rubber boots! ack!) in my fugly saddle but the verhan is my golden child. 2016 is gonna rock!

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  8. Love the hair! Yay for new challenges! :)

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    1. Thanks! Yay for an awesome 2016 :)

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  9. Woot! Did you donate the hair?

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    1. :)! I did yes, I didn't think they'd let me because I had highlights but the hair salon I go to donates regularly so they added my hair to their donation bin.

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  10. What a great way to start off the New Year!!!

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  11. I did the same thing last year on xmas eve! Sometimes you just need a change. As for the breakthroughs, that makes me so happy for you! Cheers to 2016!!

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    1. Change is such a good thing! 2016 is gonna be a good one :)

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  12. Changes are good. Love the hair and the new challenges you are taking with your riding. Great start to the new year!

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    1. Great start is right! :) Happy new year!

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  13. I do that too... far too often. The whole, EHhhh it's going well, must quit while ahead! Glad it's not just me!
    Sounds like you're off to a great start to the new year!

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    1. I feel that same way about social gatherings. My brain is like "Good job. You made some witty remarks and made people laugh. Now go home immediately before you do something weird." I think I miss out on a lot things because I make myself exit good situations haha :) I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way sometimes. 2016 is gonna be great! :)

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  14. You have gorgeous hair no matter what length it is! I'm glad that the riding is going well.

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    1. Aw thanks :) I'm having so much fun in the saddle these days.

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  15. wooo for breakthroughs!!! and I love the short hair!

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  16. Thank you for the follow. That haircut looks beautiful :)

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  17. wooo i love it! great hair cut and i love the breakthroughs. there's nothing quite like the feeling of pushing past that little voice and having a great time doing it :)

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    1. It's been such a big year already! :)

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  18. Love the hair cut! And the changes :)
    I'm excited to see what this year holds for all the ponies.

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    1. Thanks! 2016 is gonna be awesome :D

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