So remember how I mentioned that I had some really negative experiences when taking lessons in the past? Remember how an instructor called Apollo stupid and ugly?
I saw her the other day.
The horse community is super small. I expected to run into her at some point. At a tack shop. Or a horse show.
I did not expect her to be knocking on the door of the safe haven of my hermit barn.
I was feeding Apollo and Henry the other day when I heard a soft knocking at the door. I opened it and there she was. Turns out she is the coach of one of the other girls at my barn.
I recognized her instantly but she didn’t seem to remember me. I just said “hello” and let her in. As I was turning Henry out I looked over and she was petting Apollo. And was telling him how handsome he was. And he was massively enjoying the attention. Traitor!
I searched myself for anger... I thought maybe I should give her a piece of my mind. Statements like “I almost quit riding after I took lessons from you.” Or “Every time I took a lesson with you I cried the entire drive home.” Now those two things are true. But really...not worth it.
It wasn’t totally her fault. And it wasn’t totally mine. We weren’t a good fit. When I met her I was coming back to riding after a serious car accident and my confidence was in the toilet and I was in a fair bit of pain (so I’m sure I wasn’t exactly a delight to teach). And based on her behaviour the other day I think she was not in a very happy place in her life when she gave me lessons. Gushing over/petting stranger's horses was not in her vernacular when I knew her.
I took less than 10 lessons from her over 7 years ago. And even though it sucked... and lowered my confidence in myself even further... it’s part of my story. It was a long time ago and it's time for me to let it go. I learned a lot about myself (struggling through issues on my own) and appreciated good instruction when it came along (Coach D = love).
Seeing her again made me realize one of the small quiet goals that has been floating around in the back on my mind recently. One day I would like to teach. I would like to help someone else who is struggling with their confidence. I have a lot more that I want to do before I give any time/thought to this goal. Maybe in like 10 years... :)