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Saturday, 6 February 2016

Seeing A Ghost


So remember how I mentioned that I had some really negative experiences when taking lessons in the past?  Remember how an instructor called Apollo stupid and ugly?

I saw her the other day.

The horse community is super small.  I expected to run into her at some point.  At a tack shop.  Or a horse show.  

I did not expect her to be knocking on the door of the safe haven of my hermit barn. 

I was feeding Apollo and Henry the other day when I heard a soft knocking at the door.  I opened it and there she was.   Turns out she is the coach of one of the other girls at my barn.



I recognized her instantly but she didn’t seem to remember me.   I just said “hello” and let her in.  As I was turning Henry out I looked over and she was petting Apollo.  And was telling him how handsome he was.  And he was massively enjoying the attention.  Traitor!  




I searched myself for anger... I thought maybe I should give her a piece of my mind.  Statements like “I almost quit riding after I took lessons from you.” Or “Every time I took a lesson with you I cried the entire drive home.”  Now those two things are true.  But really...not worth it. 




It wasn’t totally her fault.  And it wasn’t totally mine.  We weren’t a good fit.  When I met her I was coming back to riding after a serious car accident and my confidence was in the toilet and I was in a fair bit of pain (so I’m sure I wasn’t exactly a delight to teach).  And based on her behaviour the other day I think she was not in a very happy place in her life when she gave me lessons.  Gushing over/petting stranger's horses was not in her vernacular when I knew her. 

I took less than 10 lessons from her over 7 years ago.  And even though it sucked... and lowered my confidence in myself even further... it’s part of my story.  It was a long time ago and it's time for me to let it go.  I learned a lot about myself (struggling through issues on my own) and appreciated good instruction when it came along (Coach D = love).    



Seeing her again made me realize one of the small quiet goals that has been floating around in the back on my mind recently.  One day I would like to teach.  I would like to help someone else who is struggling with their confidence.  I have a lot more that I want to do before I give any time/thought to this goal.   Maybe in like 10 years... :)


28 comments:

  1. Good on you. I know letting go of the past is so hard sometimes... but it's such a nice feeling when you just breathe in and out and let it go.

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    1. Absolutely. Anything that lead me to where I am now is ok with me :)

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  2. I'm glad she knocked on your door. That allowed you to let go.

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    1. Gave me a bit of a shock but I'm glad too :)

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  3. how random that she just showed up like that!?! really interesting what you got out of the unexpected meeting tho

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    1. She was coaching another girl (I actually just added that into the post because I realized I didn't say why she was there haha). Surprised the heck outta me!

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  4. People and their drama they bring to our lives sucks, but it sounds like you really overcame it, with a lot of work yes, but her issues and hangups are definitely not your issues

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    1. Definitely. Took me a long ass time to learn that! :)

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  5. Ugh...I am glad that you were able to let things go. It is crazy how small the horse world is some times.

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    1. It totally is! Kind of creeps me out a bit. Sometimes it's a good thing, I usually run into old friends :)

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  6. That would have been hard for me too. Good on you tho! Apollo wasnt traitor, just smugly reveling! I can see you teaching before 10 years too. The desire and passion to teach is important. I have always avoided it until now. I'm finally ready. :) I'm happy for you

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    1. I think you're right, he was smugly reveling! I'm happy your are going to be teaching!.... give me many tips ;)

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  7. I definitely have a ghost as well... I've never run in to him, but I saw recently his business went under. I felt a little happy, even if that's terrible, he was a prick, and a confidence stealer. Good for you for seeing that she was probably going through something at the time though - aren't we all? I find it strange she didn't remember you though, Apollo is a pretty memorable horse, just to even see him! haha.

    (also, from your last post, Myself, another friend and Brigitte (Vitality Equine) all have arrows on our feet... haha apparently it's a common friendship tattoo!)

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    1. Confidence stealers are the worst human beings. I don't know what job can come from robbing someone else of theirs! That's too funny, foot tattoos hurt like a #(&(&@*$&

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  8. It's always best to let the past go and move on with a positive attitude. On the other hand, she shouldn't have been so negative. If you're a trainer there are tactful ways to get your point across. And you never ever call someone's horse stupid and ugly. Had a trainer once like that who used to be a confidence downer and he used to ride my horse and train him because I wasn't experienced enough yet. Well, after we left he came to the barn where we were boarding to give a lesson and went up to my horse who pinned his ears and lunged at him. He wasn't as forgiving as Apollo. Glad you both were able to put her negativity behind you.

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    1. I learned quite a bit from my experience with her, so I try to focus on that. I was kind of hoping she had given up teaching! It's not for everyone. Sounds like she has a similar style to the trainer you used!

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  9. Sounds like you handled the situation well!

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    1. I didn't run her over with my car, so I call that a win! :P

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  10. you handled it well...giving her a piece of your mind in the moment would have given you some closure in the moment, but probably made her really confused lol. I am glad you have come to terms with your feelings about it, that is the best kind of closure there is. You are a better person and now a better rider for it!

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    1. Seeing her made me feel like I could close the chapter of my life that she was part of. Which is a good thing :)

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  11. You definitely made the right choice. But yikes, I can totally imagine your shock when you opened the door! I'm glad to hear she has regained some sanity and sees how handsome Apollo is :)

    www.amateuratlarge.blogspot.com

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    1. I think she must have! ;) He's a good boy who tries really hard, I don't know why she never saw that.

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  12. Cheers for taking the high road :)

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    1. Thanks! :) I seriously considered hopping onto the low road for a minute there haha

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  13. That's some pretty harsh treatment. As a coach you need to mesh with various levels and learning styles. Sounds like maybe you've both grown since last you met.

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    1. I meant her at a rough patch in my life, where I really needed support and cheering on....I pretty much met the worst coach ever for that haha. I'm stronger for it! :)

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  14. Good for you. I'm holding on to grudges that I suspect are older than you are. My bad.

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    1. I have a few grudges that I don't plan of letting go of any time soon! :)

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