Be warned in advance that this post contains uncomfortable (for me, maybe also for you!) details regarding mental health and menstruation. Two scary M’s!
So although there were a couple of factors that lead to my time off blogging, there was one big one. Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
A less scary M! Molly the barn dog :)
I have probably had PDD my entire life, although I only recently got this official diagnosis. I’ve always had a few days a month were I don’t cope very well and feel very anxious. But in April it got very bad.
Maybe you’re thinking “Oh like PMS? That’s not so bad.” And I probably would have thought exactly the same thing. Until the last few months happened and I spent 5-7 days before my period arrived in a severely anxious/depressed state. I had what can only describe as an “anxiety attack” before one of my lessons on Mystic - I couldn’t breathe at all and it got to the point of me nearly throwing up. I was not coping well.
I am a really silly happy person. And for those 5-7 days where I felt completely terrible I still behaved like myself. But it was completely exhausting. And I got any kind of bad news or anything didn’t go exactly as I planned I would be a complete mess. Only in May I finally told my husband how tough of a time I was having. He had no idea. He said the only time he saw me act differently when was when I got really anxious about trailering Mystic to the Eventing 101 clinic. Because usually I’m alone in my car driving when I'm upset.
I decided that this wasn’t working for me and I wanted to make some changes. I focused all my energy on helping myself feel better. Hence the blog silence in May!
I have switched to different type of birth control that my doctor recommended to help balance out hormonal issues. I have taken a few CBT sessions to help give me better coping skills on the tough days. I have decided to limit my driving and riding time a bit during that difficult premenstrual time frame. My brain really goes into a negative spiral when I’m driving a lot (which I have to do when I see the horses). And I worry about losing my temper or freaking my horses out with my out of whack emotions (I haven't but I do worry that I will). I’m also working on getting more sleep, exercise and eating better.
Anyway, sorry if this was a bit of TMI post to read. I just wanted to be honest about what's been going on behind the scenes. Things are actually going really great right now and I'm feeling a lot better. So that's where I was in May :)